As I sit here at my computer, I recall some inspired words of truth (?) from an old friend of mine who once theorized that the strength by that of which one pisses (whizzes, jeezes, sprays) is directly proportionate to his/her level of libido. The stronger your piss, the higher your libido is.

Now before continuing further, let me state formally that I am an excellent pisser. Full of strength and force. On occasion, when inspired, I am able to douse small fires and kill the occasional rodent with my lethal jet spray of death. I once saved a baby from a fire by pissing an exit path from within a raging inferno of a house set alight by cruel teenage pranksters.

Ego and accomplishments aside, let’s go back to my friend’s theory on pissage. From a scientific standpoint, this hypothesis holds some truth. Let’s take a look at the anatomy of the human body, specifically, the kegel muscle. This is the same muscle that plays a role in both orgasm and fire-dousing. If you’re good in bed, you’re pretty much assured a place in the fire department should you ever decide to become a firefighter. Unless you’re a girl of course, and lack the useful navigation hose feature.

So how does one put this theory to the test? I hung out in my office’s male lavatory for a while and observed piss levels. People with high and audible piss volumes seemed to be happy, virile and gratified. Weak pissers seemed sex-starved and unhappy. I recommend kegel exercises and high grade japanese av for these people.

So judging from my apparent high libido and exuberant male vitality, I hereby conclude that my friend’s piss hypothesis is true and valid.